Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
