i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My pussy is not your playground.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
