I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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