You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
