So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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