Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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