yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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