I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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