Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
