Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Prob not but she was surprised

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  (773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised http://tfl.nu/a9jx
  Replies (2) Good night (1658) Bad night (622)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

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  (727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple. http://tfl.nu/vn0p
  Replies (34) Good night (946) Bad night (12468)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??

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  (361): Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture?? http://tfl.nu/iimu
  Replies (11) Good night (5635) Bad night (760)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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  (407): I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong. http://tfl.nu/42z4
  Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (2716)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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  (816): at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea? http://tfl.nu/mw1i
  Replies (13) Good night (3319) Bad night (980)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.

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  (605): I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/f89d
  Replies (7) Good night (2733) Bad night (1213)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.

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  (215): Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places. http://tfl.nu/tyy2
  Replies (5) Good night (2984) Bad night (686)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.

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  (918): he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond. http://tfl.nu/174e
  Replies (4) Good night (1757) Bad night (864)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key

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  (609): Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key http://tfl.nu/pj3h
  Replies (7) Good night (1919) Bad night (703)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"

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  (617): I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night" http://tfl.nu/srds
  Replies (3) Good night (1227) Bad night (712)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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  (905): they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about" http://tfl.nu/sw9a
  Replies (8) Good night (1630) Bad night (622)
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  (415): View more from California

  I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station

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  (415): I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station http://tfl.nu/tet7
  Replies (15) Good night (3734) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?

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  (410): Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel? http://tfl.nu/uv9o
  Replies (7) Good night (525) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.

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  (317): I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis. http://tfl.nu/cvxz
  Replies (5) Good night (561) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does

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  (412): Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does http://tfl.nu/1hcm
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (243)

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