Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Use "feeling words"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me