god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?