I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!