The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
