yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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