i just had sex bonerless
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
