I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
