We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Less talking, more tequila
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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