Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
