If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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