So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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