wanna go halves on a baby?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
