so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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