Those balls look pretty dangerous.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
