Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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