dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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