I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no, he came in my armpit
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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