im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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