I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
