watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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