She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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