Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
