you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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