I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My hand turned me down
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
