i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
