I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
