We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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