I am puke
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
