god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
