hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
