it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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