My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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