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• (765): View more from Indiana

  he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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• (518): View more from New York

  It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.

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• (415): View more from California

  There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job

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