Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
