Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
