sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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