end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
