Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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