Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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