so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
