I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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