Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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