I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
