I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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