I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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