well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize