Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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