you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
