saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
