I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
