There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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