I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
