The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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