You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
