i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
