my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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