They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
