How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Bring me that man meat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
