I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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