I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
