I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
